God Cares Enough to Know My Name

I will be honest.  There are days I struggle to understand why life is hard. Times when I wonder if anyone sees me at all.  But God’s holy word assures me, even on the hard days, that God cares enough to know my name.  He concerns himself with everything about me.  Even on

the days where all I do is find enough strength left in me to sit and cry, that is when God catches my tears in His bottle. 

 

So I sat down today… 

 

I found an empty chair on a day when I felt like my soul was empty, and I just sat. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t bitter. God’s grace was helping me win that battle. 

 

Today, I did not have any words left. I felt empty and had no energy left to try. So finally, all I had left were tears, and I let them fall. 

The verse in Psalm 139:2 reminds me that “He knows my uprising and my downsitting.”  Honestly, I would have thought that being reminded of that would have instantly made me feel better, but today, it didn’t. 

Not on a day like today.

 

Knowing that God saw me sitting again made me sad because the same thing that had made me sit down today had also made me sit down on so many other days. 

 

The fact is some battles that we face are not meant to be day battles. Some are not even week battles. Some aren’t even won in a year’s worth of fighting. Some take what seems like a lifetime, and then they can leave you feeling war-torn. 

Hollywood can paint up a war movie with this romantic backdrop and almost makes it look glamorous. But, unfortunately, the battle I wage is not in the slightest bit romantic, and they’re sure is not anything glamorous about it. 

 

There will be things we go through that will not be glamorous.

 

When the person you have chosen to spend your life with has a debilitating illness, there is no painting it up to make it look pretty.  And being a caregiver on some days like today makes me sit down and cry. 

The first part of that verse that says “He knows my uprising and my downsitting,” lets me know God himself sees me.

 

Some days knowing he sees me is exactly what I need to know. Important that God cares enough to know my name. Today, I didn’t want to be seen because I felt like I was a mess. 

 

As I thought on the second part of Psalms 139:2 that says, “He knows my thoughts afar off,” something within me shifted. Today that is the part of the verse that made all the difference.  

For as much as I didn’t care to be seen crying again today,  I longed to have someone in my corner that understood how I felt. 

 

The Lord sees what makes me get up and what brings me low. But knowing that the universe’s creator takes the time to understand my every thought and know how I feel means everything on a day like today.

 

Psalm 56:8 (NLT) tells me, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your books.” https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2056%3A8&version=NLT

 

And in addition to catching my tears in His bottle is that God gets me.

 

I mean, He understands all about me and chooses to still be there for me. Some days we celebrate together, and there is laughter and joy. Some days he helps me up when I need a hand. Some days when I am too tired to move, He gives me that push of strength I need. 

On other days like today, He lets me sit, listening and watching over me. 

 

Our Lord hears every tear that falls. He carefully gathers them so he doesn’t lose one and puts them in his bottle. 

In His bottle, even my tears are lovingly stored and treasured.

To think every thought, He understands.  So there will be time tomorrow for standing, but today I sit. 

 

 And the best part is that for today God lets me know that it is ok.

 

See you in the field, 

Susan 

*If you related to this post, you may want to read another post from my caregiver series entitled A Day in the Field. https://ruth216girl.com/a-day-in-the-field/