Longing for Answers

Key Verse: “When Jesus heard about it, he withdrew himself from there by boat to a remote place to be alone.” Matthew 14:12-13 (CSB)

There have been times in my life I did a good job of covering it up. At least I like to think I did.  I smiled, laughed and joined in all the conversation.  I made myself useful in the preparation and the planning. I took part in all the festivities. But in all honesty, I wasn’t smiling on the inside.  I sure didn’t feel like laughing. And even though I was joining in if I was to be honest all I really wanted to do was go home. I really just wanted to be alone. 

Now since this crazy year of Cov-19 quarantine, I spend so many days longing to be in a crowd again.  Putting together silly decorations for a party. Having all those carefree and meaningless conversations. Just hungering to be with all my people and even longing to have that conversation with a stranger in the bread aisle at the grocery store again. I also am counting the days I can once again sit down face to face to have those honest heart to heart conversations with friends and family. I want to go shopping again without all the crazy social distancing and out to dinner without having to be concerned over a virus. My heart screams to have everything go back to normal. Anybody?

I can take comfort in knowing that Jesus knows how I feel. Whether any of us long to be in a crowd or long to be alone he understands. Jesus was most definitely a people person.  Visiting homes, sitting down at meals with his people and actively moving through the masses. He took time to sit down with hurting individuals reaching out with healing words and a healing touch. His ministry on this earth teaches us the importance of being with people. After all, God made us for fellowship and community. That is why this whole quarantine Cov-19 season has been so hard. 

 But Jesus also at times actively sought out solitude.  He needed time alone so he could pray. Yes, even the son of God needed prayer time. Times when his heart ached from bad news and all the noise and chaos around him. We sometimes forget that God came to earth as a man and had human emotions just like us.

After getting the bad news about John the Baptist being killed by the hands of King Herod,  Matthew 14: 12-13 teaches us that “When Jesus heard about it, he withdrew himself from there by boat to a remote place to be alone.” Yes, Jesus himself had times where he purposely sought out time to be alone. 

I have felt a heaviness the last couple weeks from seeing what a mess our country is in and hearing of people I know being sick after being diagnosed with Cov-19.  I also have friends suffering so many hardships.  

I am honest to admit I struggle when I don’t have answers to why God allows certain things to happen in my life. Now I watch as dear friends struggle trying to find answers to their own “why God” questions too. 

I can tell you some times he lets me know what he is doing and other times he doesn’t. Many times I have just had to make the decision to trust him and keep walking regardless whether I understood everything I was facing or not. I had to decide to trust him because over the years he has proven to me that he was indeed trustworthy. 

The only explanation I have to give to all the quarantine whys is that for God’s people maybe he is leading our burdened down hearts to spend some much needed time alone with Him. He has helped us withdraw to our lonely place just like Jesus on purpose.   For it is there at that place alone with God that we truly recharge and become refreshed. It is there that we find we can lay down our heavy questions and burdensome wrestlings because he is the only one who understands them anyway. I can’t speak for anyone else but my heart is just tired and could definitely use some recharging and refreshing of my own. 

When Jesus emerged from being alone in Matthew 14:13, he found a crowd of people had followed him. He looked upon the crowd with compassion and healed those that were sick. He then fed them all with just five fish and two loaves of bread. Teaching us that even after some of the biggest hurts of our lives God can work some of the greatest miracles. Maybe this was written for our learning that when life brings us to our knees and we wrestle from becoming embittered with life that it is there alone with God we will find the compassion we ourselves will need for the work ahead. 

I am hanging on to this verse that after all this time we have spent alone with God this past year when we do come out of quarantine we are going to see our own miracles of God.  Maybe he has led us first to our lonely place so he can prepare us for the crowd of hungry souls coming after. I sure know a lot of people including myself who have been praying for a much needed revival. 

So whether God gives us reasons or not there is one thing I have come to know.  No matter where I am and no matter what is going on in my life he does see me.

And He sees you today. 

He saw you yesterday. He sees where you today. And take comfort, friend. He will even still see you tomorrow. 

He saw you in that crowd. Trying to fit in. Busy at work. 

He saw you happy. He saw you full of joy celebrating life. 

 He also sees you now tired, sad, beaten down, and worn out. 

He sees you today alone in your chair. Missing your people. Struggling to understand.  Struggling to hold on through all the tears. Struggling to find purpose in all the mess. 

So I hope you join me today as I pray and try to patiently allow myself this alone time. I don’t have to pretend to be ok instead I will fall before my God as is. Worn out heart and all.  

I will spend time praying for others beside myself struggling too.

I will also spend this time alone praying with expectation that when quarantine is over He has great things in store for all of us.